Murphy Watches The Bachelor: The Women Tell All
When "At the end of the day" and "right reasons" were uttered during the Women Tell All episode I started keeping a tally of which one would be said the most. It wasn't even close. Why is "At the end of the day" this year's catchphrase? Who started it? "At the end of the day" was spoken 5 times by my count.
The Women Tell all started with Sean and Catherine telling some of what happened after their televised wedding. Because evidently America loves hearing them talk about sex like they're on a TGIF sitcom, Chris Harrison asks about the wedding night. Sean says, "Fireworks." Catherine says, "quick fireworks." America says "yuk yuk yuk." Also, a stingray bit Sean's manparts and since he's married now, it's the last time anything will... well, this is a family blog...
Then, The Bachelor did something I didn't think was possible. They made me hate The Muppets with a weird skit about their new movie. The most awkward moment came with Juan Pablo had to explain to Miss Piggy he doesn't want his daughter seeing him kiss a pig.
Speaking of Juan Pablo, finally the titular women take the stage in their plastic stools that are sized just so when a woman on the bottom row is speaking, the cleavage of the woman behind her is prominently featured.
As much as I disliked Kelly (Occupation: Dog Lover) during the show, she was the one making all the best (see: most obvious) points. For instance, she brought up the fact that Juan Pablo seemed to use his daughter as an excuse to not be intimate with some women, while hooking up with others." Driving her point home, Kelly says, "He didn't say Camilla in the ocean." Seven points for Kelly (1 human point = 7 dog points). Kelly also brings up JP's version of "honesty." It does seem that Juan Pablo's definition of honesty is more like "verbal diarrhea." You can be sure that anytime someone defends a statement with "I'm just being honest," they are probably an A-hole. Everyone agrees that JP botched the Clare situation, by putting it all on her.
Sharleen is the first up in the Hot Seat. I noticed something about her that will be fun for you during the "After the Final Rose" special: You can say "captain" after almost anything Sharleen says and it will sound like dialogue from Star Trek. For instance, "I found him very curious... captain." Sharleen attributes her leaving the show early to thinking too much. I attribute it to thinking a normal amount. Trust me, Sharleen. You think like a normal human. Then she says her judgement was clouded because her relationship with Juan Pablo was purely physical. OK, between everything Kelly said and now this, I have to ask. Do these girls read my blog?
Renee is up next in the-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Finally, it's Andi's turn in the Hot Seat. She starts off with a killer, loaded one-liner: "I think he thinks he's a good Bachelor." She basically reiterated all the points she made on her last episode.
It's when Juan Pablo hits the Hot Seat that we get final proof that Juan Pablo really is just an oblivious jerk. A normal, non-sociopath would've watched the season so far, seen how his actions and words affected others during the show, realized he's gotten a pretty bad edit from producers and back-pedaled like a dyslexic Lance Armstrong. But, Juan Pablo isn't normal. He says being honest means someone is going to get hurt. He continuously and deliberately prods Andi by saying "iss OK" and still not understanding how dismissive it is. He also says he has no regrets about how he's acted so far.
Kelly confronts him about his comments that gays are "more pervert" than straight people and instead of telling his side of the story, he falls back on his "English is my second language!" excuse. One of the contestants says she's been in the US shorter than he has and she can speak English well. He says he'd rather explain to each girl individually what he meant than spend 4 minutes talking about it on the special. What do you want to bet those conversations never happened? Amazingly, Andi and Sharleen are JP's biggest defenders in the lioness' den, insisting he's open minded.
Oh, yeah. There's bloopers. Juan Pablo calls his daughter his "little package" and he's looking for a woman who will love him and his little package... get it?
In next week's "fin-ah-lay," everyone cries in St. Lucia... again...
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 8, Part II
Just like swimming in the ocean with Clare, the tease will pay off in the second part of this week's two-part episode.
Speaking of Clare her overnight date is up first in St. Lucia. It's the first time this episode that we'll hear Juan Pablo insist that the Fantasy Suite is just time to talk without the cameras around. But, Clare is unsure of spending the night with JP since, y'know, last time they hooked up he mad eher apologize for casting her female voodoo love spell on him and making him forget he had a daughter. But, JP says he's looking forward to getting to know her "A LOT better." So, he's forced to backpedal on how much his daughter actually matters since, again, earlier he used her to make Clare feel like a skank. "Daughter? What daughter? Oh! Yeah, I just didn't want her to see me bang 10 women. Three women? That's fine!" Clare finally tells Juan Pablo she's falling in love with him.
Andi's up next. JP takes her to a seafood fest on the island and they learn to play steel drum, exposing the secret steel drum players everywhere have died to conceal: People who have never played steel drum sound JUST as good as someone who has played steel drum for years. And "Hot, Hot Hot" is the only song that can actually be played on steel drum. He takes Andi to another waterfall, because, hey, it worked the first time. Juan Pablo keeps insisting the Fantasy Suite is just for talking, asking questions and "really getting to know each other." As they enjoy some wine before the cameras leave them to it, Juan Pablo toasts to a "great long talking night." What does that mean, even?
In the morning, it's clear from their interview segments, JP and Andi had VASTLY different experiences in the Fantasy Suite. JP says it went great. Andi goes off. She says all Juan Pablo did was talk about himself, drop names, and bring up his overnight date with Clare. Andi says she can't be with a man who doesn't love her as much as he loves himself. JP is oblivious...
On Nikki's date they ride horses on the beach. JP does what he loves to do during moments of comfortable silence: points out that a woman is thinking. He seems surprised when a woman thinks around him, since he does so little thinking himself. Nikki takes the least convicing of the three to hop into the Fantasy Suite. JP is excited to "learn all about her."
Juan Pablo watches the requisite video messages and Clare and Nikki have glowing reviews of their time with him. Andi's video says she has to tell him something in person. That "something" is that after the Fantasy Suite she's sure it's over and that he hasn't been taking any of this seriously.
I have a feeling the one-on-one time we saw with JP and a woman was the ONLY time they were allowed around him. The video was not edited at all. Because it seems like anyone that actually sits and talks to the guy for longer than 5 minutes (exhibit A: Sharleen) realizes he's pretty boring/skeezy/manipulative/self-centered. Andi tells him anytime she tried to bring up an important topic, he would turn the conversation to himself. JP is outwitted from second one of this conversation and just keeps repeating that Andi feeling this way is "OK." "That's OK." Andi feels, rightly so, that this phrase is dismissive and begs him to stop saying it. So, JP changes it to "That's fine." Better! She also took umbridge with him telling her she was in St. Lucia by default because Renee went home. There's something in this conversation that only those in the Fantasy Suite are privy too that I feel didn't translate to this conversation. Nevertheless, JP ignores that part of the argument and instead insists that he doesn't know or use the word "default."
It's obvious Juan Pablo doesn't want a woman who challenges him in anyway (or even THINKS!). He's also great at passing blame and tells Andi it's HER fault he didn't ask her about her thoughts on religion, social issues, raising children, etc. It's also her fault she takes "It's OK" the wrong way, because he's dismissed plenty of women's feelings that way and it's worked for him so far. Andi is, of course, on the first flight out of St. Lucia. Which is a shame because Camilla could have benefitted from a strong, positive, female role model like Andi.
Juan Pablo shows her though, saying in his interview that even if she wanted to stay he wouldn't have let her. Logic that you will hear in any court of playground law. He also says, "ees fine" because "I have other women." Which makes it sound like they matter as much to him as a cookie he dropped on the floor. "Eh. I'll just grab another."
Next week, the women will tell all and, if the tease is any indication, Jerry Springer will not be watching because it's too much of a trainwreck.
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 8
How I miss Desiree's prison-crazy brother. Hometowns left so much to be deisred, ABC teased Tuesday night's episode of The Bachelor before every single commercial break. Like, "We know this is kind of boring, but just wait 24 hours! Ooooh, boy! Will you be excited then!"
A visit to Nikki's hometown of Kansas City, MO is up first. Nikki shows JP how to eat ribs... well, she TAKES him to eat ribs. If she'd shown him how to eat them, I doubt he'd have daintily held the rib between his forefinger and thumb like he's playing Jenga. (Million dollar idea: Edible Jenga with Ribs. Patent Pending!) He rides a mechanical bull and has flashbacks to the ocean with Clare. Nikki wants to tell JP she loves him, but is waiting for the right moment. They head for dinner at Nikki's parents MANSION! This house looked like Kansas City Hall. My wife seriously asked if it was an apartment complex. I don't know what Mr. Nikki does, but I want to marry into this family now. Nikki's parents seem well-adjusted aka BORING. They trust Nikki to make the right decision for her and give Juan Pablo their blessing to propose. They are playing along nicely, despite their daughter being confident she's found the man of her dreams on a gameshow. The "right moment" never comes for Nikki, though, and JP leaves without hearing those three words...
Andi's hometown is Atlanta. She takes Juan Pablo to a gun range where I think they both said they'd experience shooting a gun for the first time. I'm pretty sure in JP's interview segments he'd been crying. At dinner, Andi asks where she got the bad dancing gene. (Later in the evening, Andi tries to show off the dance JP taught her, but it looks like he's fighting with one of those Real Dolls). Both parents blame each other for Andi's lack of dance moves, but one thing's for sure, she got her lawyerin' skillz from daddy. The man has had months to formulate his argument against the show and he lays it out pretty solidly. When JP asks for his blessing, Andi's dad says the man he'll blass with his daughter's hand won't have three other women on the hook as well. Smart man and a realist.
Andi's not totally in love with JP yet, but uses her parent's 6 months of courtship before engagment and eventually a 30 year marriage as Exhibit A that 6 weeks is long enough to know the man you want to be buried next to.
Next it's off to Sarasota, FL for sometime with Renee and her son Ben. Renee and JP watch one of Ben's Little League Games. AMAZING plug, by the way, for team sponsor Lakewood Ranch Dental. Renee, like Nikki, is admitting she's in love with Juan Pablo, but can't find the right moment to tell him. Renee's mom isn't so sure what Renee is feeling is true love and has the line of the night: "We can love our pets." That about sums up the depth of the feeling most of the women this season have had toward JP.
Finally it's a visit to Clare's hometown, Crazyville-I mean, Sacramento. Juan Pablo can't wait to meet Clare's family because like everyone else watching he wants to see "why you are the way you are." And he nor we were disappointed... Most of Clare's sisters are complacent and at points in their lives where they'd rather watch The Mentalist than The Bachelor. But, not Laura! Laura is the Des' brother of this season. She refuses to let Clare have a minute alone with their mom. "Yer not respectin' mama," she says. Laura has probably always been jealous of the attention her younger, hotter sister has gotten from men, but especially doesn't trust this reality show. Even when she relents and allows Clare to speak to "mama," she lurks in the shadows, literally. Mama never says two words to Clare without Laura butting in, so Clare never gets a straight answer about her feelings for JP. Even when JP asks for time with mama, it's JP, mama... and Laura. Somehow Juan disarms Laura (proof he can seduce any woman, no matter how troll-like) and gets to talk to mama, who is Hispanic? I thought Clare was just tan. What's going on? She speaks spanish! But, she seems to like Juan Pablo and pretty much gives her blessing for him to propose if that's how he feels.
Back in Miami at the rose ceremony, Nikki and Clare get roses, natch. But, did Andi's dad scare off JP by not giving his blessing? Nope. It's Renee that's going home. She has no hard feelings though. Like, at all. She totally understands, in fact, and calls Juan Pablo a great guy.
But IS HE???? On the second episode this week, Juan Pablo makes everyone cry in beautiful St. Lucia!
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 7
Am I mistaken or is Juan Pablo doing things out of order by taking 6 girls to his hometown of Miami and letting one meet his family? Well, I guess when you start hooking up outside of the Fantasy Suites, all bets are off.
Sharleen, who is unsure about taking Juan Pablo to her hometown, gets the first one-on-one date. JP is all about Sharleen. He gushes about her to his brother, especially about the fact that she is an "Oprah singer." Sharleen's missing that "cerebral connection," however. She must not realize that both people have to have cerebrums for that to happen. The other women are just as flummoxed as Sharleen is as to JP's infatuation. Especially since Sharleen has described her usual type of man as "intellectual." What are they trying to say about Juan Pablo?!
Sharleen's date is on a yacht, the nicest thing about which she can say is "Yay." She still has no idea how to communicate with humans. It's like she's an alien sent to Earth and the only thing she's ever read by humans is an issue of Seventeen. She does tell JP that she's ready to make her job a lower priority for love. She's still confused about her feelings for JP and says "I wish I was dumber." What is she trying to say about Juan Pablo?! What she means is she's never had a purely physical connection with anyone and can't understand why when she's not with him she wants to drop JP like an anchor on a mildly impressive giant yacht.
Nikki gets the second one-on-one date and admits she's "falling in love" with Juan Pablo. He tells her they are going to his daughter, Camilla's, recital. So, I hope she brought a bra (spoiler alert: she didn't). Nikki gets to meet JP's family and the babymama. She gives Camilla a peck on the cheek and tells her she tastes "like Cheetos." What every kid wants to hear from their potential stepmom the first time they meet.
The second part of Nikki's date takes place at the stadium where the Florida Marlins play, which is where Juan Pablo works. But, he thinks it's funny to call the whole stadium his "office." He thinks it's so funny he says it 12 times. Then Nikki starts calling it "his office." Then they take their comedy team on the road. "Say, Juan Pablo, isn't this a big stadium?" "What's that, Nikki? You mean my office?" (audience laughs for 45 minutes).
Back in the holding pen, Sharleen tells the women if she's not feeling it at this point, she doesn't deserve to potentially take a rose from someone who is feelin' it, so she's leaving. There's one every season, right?
Sharleen knocks on Juan Pablo's door and he answers, surely expecting ocean sex. Instead he and Sharleen have a nearly silent conversation and she leaves without any fight from Juan Pablo. I have a feeling he could have convinced her to stay, but instead he was like "See ya," and cried a little. The worst part? We'll never get to meet Sharleen's parents. Who knows what they're like to have raised someone that ended up as Sharleen...
The rest of the girls go on a group date to the beach. Chelsie reads letters her famly gave her before she left for the show. Andi cries about being unsure. to make her stop, JP clicks his tounge like you would if your dog was about to get up on the kitchen counter. What a guy! Clare talks about a video her dad made before he died that the man she's going to marry must watch. HEAVY.
Andi ends up with the group date rose, which means she gets to go on the night date with JP and she's through to next week's hometown visits. This upsets Clare, naturally, and she's first back on the sea plane with the greatest quote in the history of the show: "Let's f#@kin' wrap this s#%t up and go home!"
Back at the suite, Clare starts talking smack about Nikki's BFF, Andi. Nikki's like, "I'm outta here." Clare follows Nikki up to her room... or at least A room. I'm not even sure who was angry at whom for what because most of their argument was about not being interrupted and who paid for the hotel. Still, Clare and Nikki carry their hatred to the cocktail party where, when Chelsie excuses herself to pee, a full 30 minutes of silence ensues.
In the end, Clare's BFF Chelsie goes home. Clare blatantly calls it a "huge mistake" in another "screw you" to Nikki. That means Andi, Nikki, Clare and Renee (who?!?!) are all taking JP home in next week's TWO episode (Dear God) marathon. In the preview it looks like Andi's dad acts all boss, Clare's family is crazy (natch), and something awful happens in Andi's Fantasy Suite. Like all Bachelor teases, it's probably not assault, but something like food poisoning. We'll see.
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 6
Last week Juan Pablo began his journey down a path that will certainly end in a hatred we haven't seen in Bachelor fans since Brad Womack. Since the show has already been filmed Juan Pablo can't see the writing on the blogs and won't be able to back pedal. Would he anyway though? Even after the vitriol that was sent his way after his romp-and-shame with Clare, he insisted she took advantage of his good nature to get into his innocent pants. In reality, we all know hed have started the show with 26 Fantasy Suites if he could have.
This week, 8 girls head to New Zealand for an episode that is heavy on filler, Hobbiton and the phrase "At the end of the day." "At the end of the day" is this Bachelor's "Right Reasons," my favorite drinking game crutch phrase from last, and surely future, seasons of The Bachelorette.
Andi gets her one-on-one date finally. She's the last one to have a one-on-one. Clare is upset SHE didn't get the one-on-one. Yeah, cause JP totally seems like the kind of guy that calls the next day after a one night stand. JP and Andi take a speedboat to a cramp, snake-filled, jungle swamp maze that ends up at a rather underwhelming waterfall. But, the guy has proven he can and will make out anywhere. Then, some Bachelor PA surely lost their job over a dinner set up on an active geyser. The geyser goes off, as geysers do, and ruins dinner. What did they expect was going to happen? No one ever eats those dinners anyway. They just talk and drink the wine and dinner gets cold. Andi gets a rose and seems pleased, even though I didn't hear her talk deep with Juan Pablo like she'd hoped to.
Everyone except Clare is on the group date, which means Clare will get her one-on-one. Someone on the group date says JP is hot because he's "dressed for the weather." Being sensible is hot. And, hey! It's Cassandra's 22nd birthday! They start the group date rolling down a hill in giant inflatable balls. Then, it's off to HOBBITON! Of course Sharleen, the weirdo, is into it. I detected a bit of nerd in her. Who can blame her. I'd let JP take me to Clare-like places for a trip to any filming location for The Lord of the Rings series. Speaking of Sharleen, JP has found a way to keep her from awkwardly "flirting." Just start making out before she can speak. But, maybe making out isn't enough. Sharleen is starting to question the process of finding true love in a month on a reality show. JP reassures her by grabbing her face and, later, giving her the rose.
Cassandra's one-on-one time with JP goes a lot differently. Maybe they celebrate birthday's differently in Venezuela because after the women sing her Happy Birthday, he sits her down and informs her they are in different chapters of their lives and the connection isn't there. Rather than keep her two more days away from her son, JP packs her in the back of a van and sends her home. On her birthday. No chance to even say goodbye to the other contestants who just sang her a joyful birthday tune. In the paddy wagon, Cassandra says she's waited so long to find love. Again, she just turned 22 TODAY.
Clare's one-on-one isn't set up to be fun. It's a picnic in the middle of a pile of rocks. No activity planned, besides talking. Here we go. Time for Clare to put him in his place. You can't shame me. Our boning was a two way street and I'm not ashamed and stop using your daughter as some kind of ace up your sleeve to play when you want sympathy, because we all see right through it and I am woman hear me ROAR!
That's what SHOULD have happened anyway. Juan Pablo continues to place all of the blame for his feeling guilty on Clare taking advantage of his good nature to do dirty things to an innocent victim. He continues to talk to her like a child, commanding "Promise you won't cry because of me." Clare eats it right up saying "He apologized." Did he? DID HE? If anything he made Clare apologize. At this point if Clare is willing to put up with Juan's manipulation and domination, she deserves what she gets. Which is a rose, after they change into lounge pants.
At the rose ceremony, with Cassandra on a birthday flight home, it's pretty obvious that either Chelsie or Kat are going home. I fast forwarded through Kat's boring speech about her drunk dad. I guess JP wishes he could have done that because he sends her packing and Chelsie gets the rose.
Kat gives one of the best exit interviews in recent memory saying tearfully, "The problem is I've been told my whole life how great I am and what a catch I am and yet here I sit." Whose problem is it when you believe every compliment you've ever gotten?
With a contender like Kat going home Sharleen starts to feel confused and guilty. It's like she wants to play every Bachelor archetype! The girl who questions the show's method, the awkward one, the one who thinks another girl deserves to be with JP more. Leave a part for someone else! Jeeze! She says she's gonna give it one more week to see if her connection grows strong enough to stick around.
Next week we're gonna party in the city where the heat is on all night, on the beach till the break of dawn. Yes, we're going to Miami (Buenvenidos a Miami) where apparently Clare and Nikki will get into it.
As always, the producers edited out the best part of the show to run under the credits, as we see Juan Pablo on the group date chasing the women in their bikinis throwing sheep poop at them. He's literally throwing feces at half naked women. I mean I can't even write a better metaphor than that for his season so far, and it's not even a metaphor. It actually happend.
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 5
Juan Pablo definitely showed his true colors this week as his daughter continues to SELECTIVELY matter to him. More on that later.
There's 11 girls left as we head from South Korea to Vietnam. Like last week, I'll let a contestant explain the difference. "South Korea had beauty but this is, like, nature."
Renee gets the first 1 on 1 date card. She's a single parent, like JP, and they've agreed to take it slow to respect Renee's son and so Juan Pablo can make out with the other girls. He takes her on a pedicab ride, they get a custom dress made (Juan Pablo cleverly makes note of her bust measurements while Renee is being fitted, as gentlemen do when they are concerned how they'll be perceived by their 4-year old daughters), and they shop for their kids. Renee says "first kiss" 37,000 times. Renee gets a rose, but she doesn't get her much-desired first kiss because, as JP says, he's respecting her son. She does however get Juan's hot dinner breath in her face as he attempted to cool her off in the evening. Baby steps.
Andi is bummed about having to go on another group date. Lucky for her it's not so much a group date as a 1 on 1 with Juan and Clare and 7 other women. First, the women pair up for a rowboat ride. Since no one likes Clare, she gets paired up with JP. Not having any friends in the house pays off this time. This puts half-a-dozen laser pointers on Clare's forhead. Juan Pablo respects the other women so he steers their boat into the reeds and starts making out with Clare in full view of the rest of the daters. They have a "totally random" traditional meal at some Vietnamese family's house... AFTER they put in some time in their fields. Andi's fuse is shortening, but JP tells her he definitely wants her there. To show Andi just how much he likes her, later at dinner Juan takes Clare back to his suite for some pool sex.
Sharleen continues to have no idea how to flirt. Unless she thinks it's sexy to communicate like an awkward robot. An awkbot.
So she doesn't feel left out, Andi gets a makeout sesh. But, Clare after being DEflowered, Clare ends up with the rose.
After the women get back to their room, Clare sneaks back to JP's suite and asks him to swim in the ocean with her. He's in his jammies, but he's in his swimsuit faster than me showering at the gym.... what? They jump in the water and there's no doubt in my mind they boned.
JP gives Nikki a rose on their 1 on 1 date too. The least he could do after the date was dropping her into a cave named Hell. Seriously. That was the date.
The women are ferried to a cocktail party that will probably end up taking up 3/4 of the Women Tell All special this year. She starts explaining to Juan Pablo that Ben would be totally cool with her kissing JP. I say she "starts" explaining because halfway through the first word, JP sees the green light and plants one on Renee.
Juan pulls Clare aside and tells her their 4AM ocean rendezvous was unfair to the other girls and his daughter wouldn't be cool with it. You see he's trying to show his daughter how a real man acts: When you hook up with a woman you've known for a week, shame her afterwards and insist it was all her slutty idea. Why didn't he just tell Clare to go back to bed? Another Real Man teachable moment: If a woman wants to hook up, but you don't want to, do it anyway so you don't hurt her feelings. This, understandably, makes Clare cry.
At the Rose Ceremony, Alli, Danielle (who?) and Kelly the Dog Lover are sent home.
Next week: Juan Pablo and 8 women head to New Zealand. If we don't see any Lord of the Rings filming locations, I'm going to be upset
Murphy Watches The Bachelor: Week 4
Murphy's Bachelor Blog is back! Just in time, too, because Juan-uary is almost over and Pabluary is right around the corner.
This week, JP took 13 women to Korea! South, not North. Although, wouldn't a Dennis Rodman cameo have been awesome? In case you've never heard of South Korea, it's a totally different country where, according to one contestant, they speak "a whole new language."
On the first group date, a bunch of women pretend to be impressed that they get to dance with a K-Pop girl group they've never heard of called 2NE1. That's pronounced "twenty-one" and I just found out that it's spelled that way. I would have been so much angrier during the show if I'd known they spell it like that. 2NE1. Look at that and tell me it says "21." "To Anyone" maybe. "Toony One" if you must. I'm so angry at that spelling.
Kat is a great dancer and shows it. Cassandra is a professional dancer, so she does OK. It turns out Nikki is the only woman in the universe who doesn't like dancing. Seriously, have you ever met a woman that wants to do anything besides dance when you go out? But, even Nikki does OK.
Later, they go for dinner at the Korean Furniture Museum where they sit and talk on MUSEUM-QUALITY furniture. Nikki accuses Kat of being fake (those dance moves weren't fake tho! You just got served!). Kat explains the daddy issues that paved the way for her to seek true love on a game show. See: 7 DUIs.
Everyone begins questioning each other's motives for being on the show and they get SO CLOSE to saying "right reasons," but they never do. I guess that's just a Bachelorette thing. Everyone accuses Nikki of being negative, but Negative Nikki ends up with the group date rose.
Sharleen, the opera singer, who talks like she just wandered onto set and is somehow a front runner for JP's affection, gets the only 1 on 1 date this ep. They go to a market and sample weird food. Juan says in no uncertain terms that Sharleen is at the top of his list, which is a bold statement this early in the game. The nicest thing she says about Juan is that he's "not bland." She should put that in her vows. He makes her sing a little opera. She says she doesn't want kids and STILL ends up with a rose. I've never seen anyone do all they can to get kicked off and still be called the Bachelor's "favorite." He called her that!
The last group date involves Andi, Alli, Kelly, Clare, Lauren, Renee and Karaoke, which is normally fun, but this involves Korean songs no one knows, so it sucks. They also venture into the market to try weird foods (JP loves markets and weird food obviously). Clare doesn't want to try the octopus, but JP makes her after a super-dramatic performance from Clare. Later, at a Korean palace, Renee asks about kissing Juan Pablo and he says he doesn't want to kiss anymore girls. He's already kissed 6 girls and "I don't want my daughter seeing her dad kissing 20 girls." So, he says NO MORE kissing. Which terminally bums Lauren out when she tries to plant one on him and he pulls away. She, rightfully, thinks it's odd because he's already kissed nearly 50% of the women on this trip. She cries the rest of the night.
Clare, who is the perfect combination of crazy and desperate for this show, admits to Juan Pablo that she threw up in her mouth and swallowed it when he made her eat the octopus. Well, JP can't resist that, so he breaks his own NO KISSING rule and plants one on her.
Andi ends up with the rose though and, along with Sharleen, decides to take it easy at the cocktail party and let the other girls have their one on one time. Nikki's not down with that though and, even though she has a rose, still hogs JP for a good deal of the evening. She even interrupts Clare's time with Juan Pablo where she was probably going to tell him about other times she ate her own vomit. This starts a big thing between Nikki and Clare.
At the rose ceremony ol' No Smooch Lauren and ol' Which One Are You Again Elise get the soccer kick to the curb. It's pretty hilarious because instead of leaving the room, the women are forced to walk, sobbing, about 5 miles through an old courtyard all while well within the judgemental gaze of the remaining contestants. Bachelor producers, does your psycological torture know no bounds? Let's hope not.
Next week: Vietnam! It's this whole other country.